


Entertaining Delusions

by Dingohh



Category: Black Mirror, Black Mirror: Bandersnatch (2018)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-07 05:53:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17360267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dingohh/pseuds/Dingohh
Summary: He stands closer to Stefan than before- their feet almost touching. Stefan feels even dizzier. It’s all too much; Colin, the future, the balcony. Stefan wonders passively if this is a new path or just a deviation of the same one.





	1. Chapter 1

This was all there was and ever had been. Colin standing before him; heavenly, vibrant colours splashing across his face and the room and perhaps the entire earth, for all Stefan knew. Everything revolved around this room and the balcony and the fall.

Stefan couldn’t remember a time before this. It was as if the past was merely a solid, dark hum that decidedly bled into this night.

‘I’m not jumping.’ Stefans voice cracks as he speaks. It isn’t from the drugs, this time.

‘Fair enough.’ Colin responds, moving to sit on the edge of the balcony. He looks like something holy. Like if he jumped, he’d only fly.

‘Neither are you.’ Stefan croaks weakly. The words try to pull back into his throat as he says them. This wasn’t what he was _meant_ to say. Every fibre of his physical form argues against it.

Colin’s eyes widen slightly, then he smiles and calmly hops down off the balcony edge.  
He stands closer to Stefan than before- their feet almost touching. Stefan feels even dizzier. It’s all too much; Colin, the future, the balcony. Stefan wonders passively if this is a new path or just a deviation of the same one.

‘Wasn’t easy, was it?’ Colin asks.

Stefan shakes his head. His hands are burning and everything is swirling around him. It isn’t the drugs this time.

‘Come on, lets go inside.’ Colin prompts, turning back into the house.

Stefan follows after him and closes the doors shut so fast they threaten to shatter. He turns to see Collin looking at him expectantly.

‘What changed?’ Stefan begins.

‘There’s a learning curve, yeah? Have to die a few times before you figure it out.’

‘Ok.’

‘Thats it?’

‘I can’t think properly.’ Stefan defends. His voice sounds confused and weak but his face is split in a grin he hasn’t had in ages. Colin’s smiling, too.

Stefan flops onto the couch, body sinking into it like a new timeline. And maybe it is, Stefan thinks, maybe us here on solid ground is the new beginning. His stomach flutters at the thought.

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ He asks.

‘Cant teach someone how to play their own game.’

‘Right. And..’

‘And?’ Colin prods.

Stefan knows there's more important things to ask. _So, so many_ more important things... But right now there's only one other thing he needs to know. It’s been on his mind ever since Colin stood so close to him.

‘Are you with Kitty?’ He blurts out. Its something he’s never been venturesome enough to ask, but the thrill of changing the timeline mixed in with the drugs and his exhaustion was pushing everything into the room that was never intended to be there. A once empty realm of repetition now begun to fill with reality.

Colin cocks his head slightly, a curiously playful expression gracing his face and melting outwards into the stuttering lights that still danced throughout the room.

‘It’s complicated- but we’re not together, if that's what you mean.’

‘Ok.’

‘Why was that so important?’

‘I think i like you.’ Stefan explains matter-of-factly. His brain feels like soup and his tongue is two sizes too big for his mouth. He doesn’t quite register what he’s said- much too tired and high for it.

‘Thats.. new.’ Colins lips twitch into a pleased smirk.

Stefan nods tiredly. He opens his mouth to say something else but is asleep before he can.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short, domestic, gay chapter. ur welcome uwu.

‘Hey, Stefan, tea?’

 

Something prodding at his side and a voice thick with exhaustion wakes Stefan. He rolls over slowly, groaning in displeasure.

 

Colin’s warm, hooded eyes meet his.

 

‘Morning.’

 

‘Why’d you have to wake me up.’ Stefan whines. His head ripples with a thick, angry soreness.

 

‘Thought you’d appreciate it’ 

 

‘What time is it?’

 

‘9am, abouts.’

 

Stefan jolts upwards, eyes suddenly glassy and wide.

 

‘Wait, i'm not at home?’

 

‘I wouldn’t be giving you room service there, mate.’ Colin quips, handing him the cup of tea. 

 

Stefan takes it absentmindedly, but his eyes are caught on Colin.

‘A- am i out of it?’

 

‘You do seem pretty out of it, yeah.’ He laughs.

 

‘No, am i out of the bloody loop?’ Stefan groans, running his hands through his tangled curls.

 

Collins eyes soften. ‘Don’t know, really.. I doubt it.’

 

Stefan looks at Colin-  _ Really _ looks at him. His hair is scruffy and laden with sleep, posture sagging slightly. The light from the window is advancing across his face, colouring his cheeks gold. He blinks thoughtfully.  _ The _ Colin Ritman. Game-programmer extraordinaire; standing before him all hazy and beautiful in the morning light.

 

‘Well, i’m here now. That’s enough.’

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, they'll discuss what Stefan admitted in the next chapter. promise! ;)


	3. Last night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colin remembers.

‘Do you remember what you said last night?’

 

The statement knocks the wind out of Stefan like a punch to the stomach. He looks up from his book as casually as possible. Colin sits cross-legged on the lounge, waiting.

 

‘Don’t think so. What did i say?’

 

Colin leans forward, eyes scrutinising. ‘You’re blushing.’

 

 _Fuck_! Stefan digs his nails into his palm.

 

‘I don’t... i don’t know what you’re talking about.’ He mutters, avoiding eye contact and trying to resist the heat building beneath his cheeks.

 

‘I think you do.’ Colin hums.

 

‘Ok. I remember... i think.’

 

‘Did you mean it?’

 

‘I- i was pretty high..’ Stefan mutters, chewing his lip.

 

‘Thats not an answer.’

 

‘Isn’t it?’

 

‘I don’t enjoy forcing simplification, but a yes or no is what i’m aiming for here.’

 

‘..yes’ he sighs. It leaves him with a heavy, shaking sadness. No getting around it now. If Colin leaves and never speaks to him again, that’s just how it’ll have to be. Stefans body goes cold at the thought. He doesn’t even look up at Colin. Stefan keeps his eyes fixed on the ground.

 

The carpet is black and dashed with cream squares. It hasn’t been vacuumed for a while. Too much dust. Stefan hears Colin stand up.

Is he going to leave, now?

 

A gentle hand suddenly guides Stefans chin upwards. Stefans skin prickles at the touch. His head feels faint. Colin smiles warmly down at him. He moves closer, pausing for a beat, before pressing a kiss to Stefans forehead.

 

When he pulls away, Stefan is almost panting for air. Perhaps he’s still high off the drugs, because the room is flashing with colours again and Stefan can see stars behind his eyes. Colin didn’t actually do that, did he?

 

Colins face says otherwise, still warm and glowing.

 

‘You’re a strange thing, Stefan.’ He breathes.

 

Stefan wonders if Colin is out of breath, too, or if he’s just fully aware of his hold on him and doesn’t want to speak too loudly; doesn’t want to break him. _Colin_   _could_   _break_   _me_ _ten_ _times_ _over_ _and_ _i’d_ _apologise_ , _still_. Stefan decides with sudden clarity. The idea doesn’t scare him like it should. 

 

‘Is that- is that ok?’ Stefan pants. His body feels like its running a fever.

 

‘Of course. Of course.’ Colin purrs, and his hands are draped over Stefans shoulders. They trace slow, whispered shapes between his shoulder blades. Stefan shivers and rests his head against Colin’s.

 

There was more, now, than just the balcony.

A new timeline maybe, or just a new path. It didn’t matter. As long as Colin was in it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooohhh boy!  
> I hope i wrote this ok. The concept is there but mmm maybe i messed up word choice.  
> The ending made me Soft to write i hope it makes you Soft too :’D

**Author's Note:**

> This is short but oh well. I can't stop thinking about this so might as well write about it!  
> Let me know what you think and I might write some more :)


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